Even when my sin
tried to tear us apart,
Even when I chose
my sin over You
still,
You kept Your eyes
on my wandered soul
The barriers I put between us
out of my own impatience
to wait on You
Though I knew,
You had what was meant for me
it was me,
who grew tired
of waiting on You
lonelinesses embrace overtook,
and I looked
to my flesh
to eradicate the hole of being alone
though I knew
it wasn’t Your best
I accepted it
and
negotiated it as better than
being alone.
I yearned
for something,
someone,
some form of love,
Even if it meant not from You,
despite if it was
polluted,
contaminated,
and not really love at all,
I pretended it was
because the wait grew too great
because I grew tired
tired of waiting
waiting for Your best
what if Your best was none saved for me?
so I partnered with my flesh
and broke up with You
Because the wait
no longer seemed
as something once worth waiting for
even when I pushed
Your love away,
tossed it
as second best
But isn’t it just like You?
To still embrace me
when I dismissed and dismayed You
You poetically
whispered to my wounds
And gave them a name
You told them “beauty and rebirth“
I’ll name of you
To me You spoke:
“What broke you,
couldn’t nearly break all that I would make of you”
because even though
I signed the divorce
You never signed it back
So even though
I was done with You
You weren’t done with me.
You sweetly remind me
that in You
I’ll always have a home
You majestically
whisper to my bruises
that I am healed.
You soothingly held me
when my body wept
You spoke life unto my spirit
Faithfully,
You always rebirth
my faith and and my purpose
when it is aborted.
When the world uses me
and rejects me,
you soothingly remind me
the world could never use me
the way You can.
Faithfully,
You have shown
You will always wrap me back up
and mend every wound
When I was broken,
You patiently,
rebuilt and restored me
with more than I had ever lost.
When I didn’t always love You
You fought for me through and through
You pleaded my case.
I could never repay You fully,
but I’ll take this life You’ve given me
and tell Your world about You
as long as I’m here.
I’ll live for You
because You saved me.
Thank You
for loving me
and showing me
the epitome
of unconditional,
authentic love.
And so
I know,
I’ve failed and failed again
and may very well
fail again
But I vow to You,
I’ll wait,
I’ll wait,
I’ll wait
I’ll always find my way back to You.
For I have seen
the other side
Life apart from You,
I have felt the cold harsh reality
Life apart from You,
So I’ll wait, I’ll wait, I’ll wait
I’ll wait on You.
My vow to You.
My sweet, sweet, Jehovah Jireh.
-Padriana Grace
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